I carry a pencil and sketchbook with me at all times. In fact I carry many pencils, just in case I need one that is a little darker or softer than the others. Even on a day where I know I will not get a chance to draw or write, I have options either in my jacket pocket. The pencil in my pocket has become part of my clothing. Leaving the house without one is like forgetting to put on my boots.

There is always the chance that an idea will form between here and there and I have to capture it. If I do not, it could become lost somewhere between the other thoughts that are a part of my day. Maybe I am making a mistake waiting for these ideas, many other creatives will schedule time to focus on idea generation. Time is something I have little of, and I can’t help but feel that I have to manage it better.

I recently read about non-pathological dissociation. I am certain that I have become rather the expert at this. This condition is also known as day dreaming. While I draw I find my mind wandering into odd dialogues with real world people that I would generally only experience within sleep. I do nothing to control this. One of the reasons I allow this is that I do get my ideas from this state.

The pencil represents my chance to capture these ideas, but while I am ‘dissociated’ I often do not focus on generating any real world results. In essence I  waste my time which is that thing I have little of. The conclusion I have is that I need to exercise some discipline and use the pencil to get back on the path I started way back at art school.

For too long my pencils have been the symbol of potential ideas, and the fact is I have so many pencils that I really do not have the life expectancy to use each one down to the nub.  The positive part of this is that I have very little need to procure more supplies. I have to get it through my head that a pile of unused pencils, whilst nice to look at, is nothing but kindling. I need to start a metaphorical fire rather than a real one.